I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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