i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I party with great urgency now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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