Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
