3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
