im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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