And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
