that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
