Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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