So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
