I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
