Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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