she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
