I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
