I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
