I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
either way he was missing a nipple.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
