wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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