Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
