you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im six kinds of drunk right now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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