FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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