I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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