he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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