See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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