Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
