Cold hands, warm shart.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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