I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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