My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
