I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
