Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
