morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish you could order shots online.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
