she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
