We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
