I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
