i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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