My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
