I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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