So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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