bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
