Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
