The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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