I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
