I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
