Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
