Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
