I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
