Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
