You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
