Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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