Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
