you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
