Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
