i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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