i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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