i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
