His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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