Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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