Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
