My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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