i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
