i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
