We're facebook friends in real life
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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