Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
