it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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