Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
love makes seman taste better
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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