apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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