just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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