I wanna bring you to show and tell
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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