Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
