Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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