Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
