I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
