I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
