Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
