If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
