We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
