I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
