Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
