apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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