I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
