Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
