Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
