i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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