Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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