he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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