I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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