I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
