Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
