If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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